Pay toilets on airlines

Today's San Francisco Chronicle has an article by David Lazarus on page D1 about extra fees from airlines. Mr. Lazarus points out that Delta has just announced, "We're thrilled to provide our customers with these two innovative new offerings." The innovative new offerings? Delta will now charge extra for seat-back movies and cocktails. Woo-hoo!

Among the speculation (and I repeat - speculation) mentioned in the column as extra-fee services are: weighing customers for a fuel surcharge, pay toilets on the aircraft, charging extra for checked bags (god in heaven! think of the carry-on fights that will cause), charging extra for aisle seats, and charging extra for changing your seat assignment.

A Delta spokesperson is quoted as saying that Delta could have provided free movies, but they wanted to provide more choices. "We know our customers really care about entertainment. We also know that they want to be stylish. That's how we started the mojitos."

"Mojitos?" you ask. Yes, the stylish customers in coach are going to be served a special Mile High Passion Fruit Mojito for $5, prepared by trained flight attendants. Okay, so you know what it's like to fly coach. And if you know what a mojito is, picture this: A flight attendant with the drink cart in the aisle actually preparing a mojito. Fresh leaves of mint? Fresh mango? Mashed and pulped while all the other passengers wait stylishly and patiently? Or picture a mix of some kind dumped in a glass with soda water and handed to you with that little bottle of Bacardi for you to pour stylishly yourself. You choose. This choice is free of extra charges.

It became clear long ago that air travel is mass transit, having put bus companies out of business. Airlines make little profit per passenger and have to make money on volume. Now the marketing has become mass-minded, too, making up in volume what it lacks in content.

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